Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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