I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize