finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
