Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize