So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
