I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
