i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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