I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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