I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
