Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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