I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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