You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
