Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
