Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
