ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
