Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
