Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
