My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
