the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
