Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
