Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am spending my child support on dildos
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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