finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
