to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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