just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
