I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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