can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
