I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
