dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
smell my finger.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
