I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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