My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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