fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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