i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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