Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
