I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
