I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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