My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize