Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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