we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
