just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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