Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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