You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
And then he peed in my hair
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