I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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