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Princesses don't give blow jobs
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
