I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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