I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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