He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
