i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
