dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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