I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
