Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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