My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
