I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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