I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
