kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
