Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
