Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
