Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
