Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
