do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
