whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
