"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need water and some morals
Randomize
