I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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