kristin has been a bad kristin
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i think i have two assholes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
