that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
