I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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