he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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