Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
