Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
