I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize