I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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