Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
