Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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