i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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